LOCKED AWAY...
It’s all fun and games till someone gets hurt.
--Unknown.
So, I kept turning in my small bed, which now seemed to be dragging
me out of it, it used to be warm and comforting but now it was pushing me away.
Charles was keeping me awake again, and I wondered if he was sound
asleep while I battled with thoughts of him and letting go. A parcel of
sleepless nights he had offered me, the moment our paths crossed. But the
feeling was different now.
Sometimes it was anger. Other times it was a deep longing.
But the most glaring thing, was the reality, that it was over and this time we
were expected to walk past each other with straight faces, like the strangers
we once were.
Only we can never be strangers, he had known the most intimate parts
of me and I felt I could write a book about him because I knew him. We were not
strangers, we were simply nothing. Because, like history we had been.
I now know that five years is not enough time to know
someone, especially when they don’t know themselves. I knew what attracted me to
him, I knew the stuffs he liked to do, his favorite foods, and the designers he
loved and even the cologne he wore. I knew the basic stuff but I never knew his
mind, his thought behind every action. I didn’t know what mattered, because we
didn’t talk enough. We talked a lot but not enough, we talked about the
challenges we faced, we gossiped, we laughed but it was not enough.
Now I was furious, I picked up my phone to see if he
replied my texts even though I didn’t hear it ring or vibrate. I reread the messages, and it dawned on me, that I had pulled the crazy EX stunt.
One read;
“Charles, you are not
sleeping right? How can you? I don’t know why you think, you can break up
with me after all we have been through and move on with your life. You don’t
know who you are messing with. I need you to tell me what I have done wrong?
You can’t break up with me over a kiss that meant nothing. Charles remember all
the things I forgave you of.” It read dripping of betrayal.
I went down to read the next one, I had sent it five minutes
later after he read the first one and didn’t bother to reply.
“Now that I think about it, I was probably high throughout
our entire relationship, nobody would want you and you would come back to me,
only I would be gone and you would go through hell just as I am going through
now. This is not ten things I hate about you where it leads to love, these are ten things I
love about you leading to genuine hatred.
For goodness sake, stop wearing Madza cologne that’s outdated
and I hate it, in fact everybody hates it.
Charles make sure you brush your teeth after every meal, it
leaves a bad breath, and I went through a lot kissing you.
My god! Really? Who doesn’t watch movies, anyways it’s over
and now I can go to a proper cinema.
I could go on and on and this would prove I was high for
five years. Thank God for sobriety, I see you for what you are now, goodbye and
have a hectic life!”
All went unread, I guessed he was fast asleep now. If I go to his
house it wouldn’t be the first time he would have to call the police on me,
another embarrassment of which I am now ashamed of.
It was past midnight and all I wanted to do was scream out
my lungs, scream at the top of my head, but I didn’t know a good place to go. I
also wanted to get lost in liquor but I was beginning to have mercy on my poor liver. All the anger I felt was dwindling and being replaced with shame at how
I had been utterly rejected, but in truth I was starting to love myself again.
I had cried a lot at first and as the days counted my tears
dried up. The pain I felt, was because I stopped loving myself once he stopped
loving me. We don’t fall in love, since we are made of it and Charles had been
a good reflection of the love within me and now that he was gone all that was
left was pain. Now I had to put more effort than before in my looks, in my
work, and in everything I did just to forget him and it was happening. Working was
helping, exercising was helping, but when the day was over and the night drew
its curtains wide open, the tears came, but with it came a new lesson.
“I would find someone better,” I said to myself. I had to
move on if I wanted to be happy again. I reflected on all the wrongs in our relationship
that I had once ignored and I forgave us.
I would laugh and time would pass and then I would heal. Then I will
write about it, or sing about it and then love will come again and if it fails, I
would love again because I could be one heartbreak away from finding him, the
mirror that reflects my soul.
http://www.healthyway.com/content/ways-to-get-over-a-breakup-that-are-scientifically-proven-to-work?param4=hwy-bing-ppc-us&utm_source=bing&utm_medium=cpc&utm_term=getting%20over%20a%20breakup&utm_campaign=329056928&adgroupid=1157785870615283&network=o&creative=72361638718413&device=c&matchtype=p&targetid=kwd-72361746233195&query=tips%20on%20getting%20over%20a%20breakup
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